Five

I felt like I was standing on a ledge covered in fog. My future was right there, so close I could feel its presence. But I had no idea when to step off, or where it would lead. Would I get a job working at a magazine across the country? Would I spend another summer doing clerical work for my aunt in Georgia until I found my next gig? Would I pack up my life and move to Texas to work for Magnolia?

 I remember in April 2018, when the suspense of the unknown was about to drive me nuts, my mom told me she felt God say, “I am going to give her a life.”  

It was a reminder to all of us, especially me, that no matter how the career thing shook out, God was after a lot more than just my vocational success or security. He was after my heart. And He wanted to copartner with me to build something greater, something more fulfilling.

On May 3, I was driving back to my college house in Athens after a week of housesitting for a family out in the country. I was overcoming a cold, had spent lots of time alone, and felt restless. I was desperate for clarity, for an answer. And I yelled at God in the car.

“Listen, I’ll do whatever You want! I’m all Yours. But I need You to make it so clear to me. Bust open the door, blaze the trail, and I’ll follow You. Just tell me, please.”

Not five minutes later, the phone rang. Two weeks later, I moved into my first apartment in Waco.

And today, five years ago, I started my first day at Magnolia.

I love looking back at that moment in the car—because He did it. God answered my prayer, and within minutes, He blazed the trail. And He has confirmed that decision every day since. In the highest of highs and lowest of lows of working at Magnolia, as my confidence has come and gone and come back again, He has remained steadfast. His purposes have remained sure.

And He didn’t just give me a job. Magnolia has been (and still is) of the greatest catalysts of growth for me. Not just as a writer or employee or teammate or, now, editor, but as a human. Magnolia has pushed, pressed, and stretched me. It has encouraged, empowered, and uplifted me. Leaders and peers have spoken truths into my mind and heart that altered everything. Not just who I want to be at the office but who I want to be in life. My road there has been full of bumps and hardships and eleventh-hour pivots. It’s a workplace, just like any other, that’s full of imperfect people who lead, create, and move forward imperfectly. And I’m one of them.

But it brought me to Waco. And the beautiful thing is, it’s not the only reason I’m still here.

Now I can look around and see the unfolding of what my mom spoke over me that day, what God promised her. Community and purpose and hobbies and and all the little moments and idiosyncrasies that make up a life. One that is full and humble and mine.

 And I remember the verse I prayed over and over again in those early days. I called it my “Waco verse.”

Trust in the Lord and do good;

Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

-Psalm 37: 3

Still the goal, still the hope. I think I’ll keep it.